What Is Joy?
For those of you who have followed my journey over the last 18+ months on my YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@globaldivinealchemy) or various LinkedIn articles, you know that this is one conundrum that I have reflected on many times but still yet haven't "solved". What I do know now, however, is that it might be one of those topics that will continually evolve with my inner and outer understanding.
With that said, I still think it worth sharing some of the insights that I have gained over time in the hopes that it will inspire your own reflections on what it might mean to you. Unlike my other articles, this one will be disjointed- think of it as more random thoughts and puzzle pieces, rather than the whole puzzle as you read it.
Given the heinous occurrences that have occurred in my life that were entirely out of my control and "unsolvable" from my vantage point, one would believe that would lead to incredible unhappiness and it would be easy to fall into feeling like a victim; I find that currently (even though some days are easier than others) it is the exact opposite- I am a more peaceful and more powerful me than I have ever felt in my entire life.
As I think about joy and happiness, I now define and reflect upon it through the following lenses (and know that it is all just my opinion based on my own experiences):
There is a direct correlation between joy/happiness and authenticity. For the 1st time in my life, I am exactly who I am- I don't care what others think, I share my opinion and story freely, and am not ashamed of any of my proverbial scars. I made the decision (after feeling called to) to share my story no holds barred in the hopes that it would inspire others to do the same for themselves. As with anything in life, if I was going to do it, I was going to be all-in and have stayed true to that throughout everything that I have shared. Think of any topic that you can hit in life and I have candidly shared my struggles, guided processes, and lessons learned throughout that process- standing naked in front of any onlookers or observers. It was a conscious choice to go "all-in" as I decided it was hypocritical to ask others to be brave enough to have the courage to radically accept themselves and not put a "face" to the request. My 1st instinct was to start with a book (I am not a fan of being on video) but that felt disingenuous...so I went with what was right...not easy (and still not) but right. And I have never regretted that decision as my North Star is helping others and if by sharing each video it helps inspire one person to find their own light...it makes everything worth it.
I have learned that unconditional love grounds in joy. A peaceful joy. Given my current situation, I have very limited relationships due to my honoring my own safety so even to me it seems like an oxymoron. But when I reflected upon that, I realized how glaringly true it is for me. When you can't control the outside happenings, it allows you to really focus on your inner compass and emotions. It allows for many moments to reflect on what love really means and what actions define unconditional love. My definition of unconditional love- for myself and others- has really evolved and multiplied. Quite honestly, there was a period of time that I was devastated by love- or thought I was-by different categories of my relationships. And then the change occurred; I realized that I was keeping myself stuck in that mindset with my own limitations and judgements. I was devastating myself with my own expectations of how others should show up- instead of merely letting them be them. And in letting go of my own expectations and letting others be exactly who they were sans any expectations- I found true unconditional love for both myself and others. I learned that I was loving others at my own detriment without any standards of reciprocity- how could I hold others accountable for that when it was my own doing? It was my own lesson and I needed to learn how to love myself unconditionally in order for others to understand what I was and wasn't willing to engage in? And just like magic, like so many other lessons that I have learned, love bloomed. While the nature of engagement with so many of my relationships have changed over time (some I love unconditionally from afar and some up close in-person), it freed up so much resistance from "what I expected" and just let it flow to "what it is"; a gentle and loving acceptance if you will.
I have learned that joy is found in following what makes your heart sing and feels right in your soul...period. We have an internal guidance system-our intuition- that is highly underutilized. When you free up any expectations for yourself about how you should act, feel, do, etc. and just focus on how something really makes you feel or what you intuitively know- EVERYTHING just flows better. I am not talking about what your brain says...I am talking about what your instinct or nudges say in the quietest part of you. What your heart feels about whatever topic you are making a choice about.
The highest form of joy is self-sovereignty. I was listening to a video recently (don't remember what video) where they referenced infants emotions being so raw and written all over their faces as they emote and react with joy- they haven't had any experiences in life yet that dictate how they should react...they are just reacting true to who they are. That is my challenge for all of you. Recapture your truest essence of self and unlearn what any system told you that you should be. Any system- religion, society, familial dynamics, ethnicity, etc- that doesn't allow you to be exactly who you are should be rejected, whether in part or holistically. I believe that anything that tries to infringe guidelines upon your person (or spirit/soul) that don't resonate with you should immediately trigger a proverbial warning flag as it diminishes your power as a human. Now don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting running around creating havoc for others..I am talking about owning your own power. Of course I am being dramatic in the following examples but: You don't need a middle man to have your own relationship with the universe/buddha/allah/god/whatever you believe in. While most religious leaders are amazing, those few that assert you need them to connect or assert that "breaking X rule is going to demolish your access to X" when it is in complete contradiction to your best and highest self are doing you a disservice. You don't need to aggressively assert yourself over others to be successful. You don't need to be a billionaire to be worthy. You don't need to be unemotional to be a "real man". You don't need to be "over sexualized" or "giving" to be a beautiful woman. I could go on for days about what systems teach or infer. The bottom-line is you have the power to be exactly who you are- find unconditional love for yourself and within that...you will find unconditional love for others. That is where the beauty and joy are found.
And my last uncovered learning (for today anyways) is that joy is an internal state of being. My old definition of joy used to be contrived from those external factors-this has dramatically changed and with it my levels of experiencing true joy. Joy is a mindset; it is found in you. There are so many things outside of us that we can't control-experiences, people, careers, happenings-and that in itself is the biggest learning; we can only control how we react and what we make it mean. We say this often but how often do you really think about that? We make choices every second of every day based on either action or inaction- how many of those choices in those micro-moments are driven by validation, fear, what others think, what may happen in the future, etc.? Do an experiment for a day, or even an hour, where you track exactly what creates your choices. Are you driving what happens or are you letting outside factors-both perceived and real-drive you?
Thanks for joining me on this evolution and reading my musings on how to find joy. As my thoughts and philosophies evolve, I am sure that I will tackle this one again.
May you do something soul feeding today!